


Progress

by theressomanyusernames



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, background Gency, everything is very nonexplicit and this fic has a lot of dialogue, i was gonna tag this as no angst but theres actually quite a bit of existential angst, im a sucker for the mchanzo insomnia trope, no one gets shot though, platonic mcgenji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 12:33:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11897820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theressomanyusernames/pseuds/theressomanyusernames
Summary: After Hanzo arrives at the base, McCree discovers that they are both hopeless insomniacs. From that realization, a friendship emerges. Through friendship, McCree and Hanzo begin to progress past their stagnation.





	Progress

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first work in this fandom- it's not much but I hope you enjoy it! I tried to put my own spin on a trope I see a lot that I really like.

“He’s the one who tried to kill ya, ain’t he?”

Genji smiled wryly. “I wasn’t under the impression I had more than one brother.”

“You know I’m not tryin’ to… you know. I just-”

“You want to know,” Genji interrupted as he made his way back to the table, “who in his right mind would try to forgive a man for nearly killing him?”

“No, not exactly,” McCree said, staring into his coffee. It wasn’t great at the Watchpoint, but it wasn’t nearly the worst he’d ever had. At least at the Watchpoint he could brew it himself and do some quality-control. “It’s none a’ my concern if you forgive ‘im or not. I mean, that’s your personal business. I just wonder how you could trust him at a place like this. You know what it’s like out there. You have t’ trust the people watchin’ your back with your life.”

McCree was slightly taken aback when Genji let out a deep, genuine laugh. “Oh no, trusting him in battle will be the easy part! There is nothing Hanzo takes more seriously than protecting his allies- it all goes back to his-” Genji could barely stifle another laugh, “it all goes back to his weird honor code! It is, how you said, our more ‘personal business’, that I find myself more presently concerned with.”

“Hm. So you’re tellin’ me, for sure, that he’s not gonna hit ya with an arrow in your skull when you ain’t lookin’? Try n’...” Mccree lowered his voice, “finish the job maybe?”

“Really, Mccree, I appreciate the concern, but I do know my brother much better than you do.” Genji removed his left hand from his mug and pointed in a playfully accusatory way at Mccree. “You’ve never even met him yourself, while I grew up with him. In fact, the only things you know about him are assumptions based on the things I’ve told you.” Genji paused and withdrew his finger, then changed his tone to something more pensive rather than the lighthearted one he had taken on only seconds before. “And you have to remember, I told you those things at a very dark time in my life. I was filled with anger that I nearly let consume me. I would not describe what I gave you then as a reliable account.”

Mccree nodded, not quite sure what to say. “You know me. I was just tryin’ to be careful. But if you think he’s good to be here, I’ll trust ya’ on it.”

“I do know you, and you are hardly one for being careful.” Genji pointed to Mccree’s metal arm and stated, “Exhibit A.”

Mccree smirked, “What can I say? You run into a little trouble in my line a’ work. Some of it’s unavoidable, you know? Ain’t nobody every run merc jobs as long as I have n’ come out without a scratch.” He took a sip of his coffee, which was getting a little cold, “I’m careful enough not to be dead yet, though. A reckless man in my place would’a died years ago, nevermind just losin’ an arm.”

“I will concede that point to you, McCree.”

“You don’t even know how I lost this arm, do you?”

“I do not believe I do.”

“We’ve got a hell of a lot to catch up on, Genji.”

Genji sighed and finished the last of his tea. After dabbing his mouth with a napkin, he replaced his visor that had been sitting on the table. Secretly, McCree wished he would leave it off sometimes even if he wasn’t eating or drinking. He looked more like Genji without it. “We do indeed. We will very soon, once things have calmed down here.”

Things had been very busy since the recall. It seems as if agents were appearing once a week- if not an old agent answering the recall, a talented new recruit. The Watchpoint had been constantly abuzz with people arriving, settling in, and beginning their training. “I’m lookin’ forward to it.”

“As am I.” Genji drummed his fingers on the table several times, as if he wanted to get up and leave, but couldn’t quite yet bring himself to do it. “He’s flying here the day after tomorrow.”

“Hm?”

“Hanzo.”

“Oh. Your brother. You still thinkin’ about that?”

“Promise me that you will be kind to him?”

McCree shrugged. “Can’t promise that much. You don’t have t’ worry about me bein’ rude or nothin’, though. I know it ain’t my place.”

Genji put his head in his hand. McCree couldn’t help but think that had he left his visor off, Genji would be rubbing the bridge of his nose like he used to do when he was frustrated. “Please, McCree, I do not want to be the only person at the Watchpoint to show him any kindness, especially since it is still hard for him to even accept kindness from me at this point in our relationship.”

“Alright, fine, I’ll strike up a conversation if I see him around, okay? I’m just sayin’ that you shouldn’t expect us to become the best of friends. But I’ll try n’ be nice to ‘im.”

“I am sorry,” Genji muttered, “his happiness is not your…responsibility. But it does put my mind at rest to know that there is at least one other person here who I can trust not to antagonize him.”

“Don’t worry about it, Genji.”

Genji nodded cordially and stood up. “I will see you for dinner.” He left before McCree had time to respond.

____________

Upon first seeing him, McCree could have only described Hanzo Shimada’s demeanor as haughty. He walked behind Genji with his chin up and a golden ribbon tied neatly into his hair; if he had known his way around the base, McCree had no doubt that Hanzo would have abandoned Genji altogether and gotten where he needed to alone. He seemed like the type who didn’t like to rely on people.

“Howdy Genji,” McCree said with a tip of his hat.

Genji waved back enthusiastically. “Hello McCree! I am glad that we ran into you; I want you to meet my brother, Hanzo.”

Hanzo looked at McCree, but showed no emotion, which was a bit nerve wracking. McCree would have rathered he scowled; then he would have seemed a little more human. He let McCree’s hand sit open, helplessly, for five seconds before giving it one firm, courteous shake. “Hello,” Hanzo said. His voice was the same as his handshake: courteous, but curt and firm.

“Pleasure t’ finally meet’cha. Y’know, Genji and I used to be real good friends back in the day. You’re lucky to have a brother like ‘im.”

“Mhm,” Hanzo said, disinterested. He looked to Genji and said, “He was just showing me around the base.”

McCree was many things, but he wasn’t socially inept. He knew Hanzo was finished with him before he had even opened his mouth. “I’ll leave ya to it then. Don’t let me hold you two up.”

“Of course not, McCree,” Genji replied evenly, “It is always a pleasure to see you.”

McCree laughed quietly, and continued walking. “I’ll see you two ‘round.”

Genji and Hanzo both nodded in response, though Genji’s seemed somehow more genuine, if there was such a thing as a genuine nod. When they turned to take their leave, McCree snuck one more look at that them, though he focused mostly on Hanzo.

He looked a bit like Genji had back in Blackwatch, but much older. He looked more serious, too, and naturally without visible scars of his unfortunate past. He thought it strange that of the two brothers who shared the same memory of a violent betrayal, the one who had caused it was the one to escape unscathed. McCree decided then that seeing Hanzo and Genji walking side by side, lightly speaking to one another in their native tongue, was a surreal and miraculous sight. He shook his head and continued on his way.

____________

Hanzo Shimada liked to make tea in the morning right before McCree usually went into the kitchen to have breakfast. He knew that, not because he actually saw Hanzo, but because he saw the same mug, freshly washed, sitting topside down in the drying wrack each morning, starting the day after Hanzo arrived. It only made sense to assume it was his, so McCree did just that and probed no further into a matter so insignificant.

They ran into each other a week after Hanzo had arrived. McCree came to the kitchen within his usual window of arrival times, but he saw Hanzo still cleaning out his mug in the sink and almost had to do a double take. He had barely caught a glance of Hanzo since the day Genji introduced them to one another.

“Mornin’” McCree drawled.

Hanzo tensed up, almost dropped his mug, then turned to face McCree. He nodded and turned back to the sink.

McCree yawned lazily and walked over to the cupboard that housed the cereal. “Don’t usually see you around here. You have a rough night or somethin’?”

“No, I slept fine.”

“Mm, I get it. Sometimes you just need to sleep in a lil’.”

Hanzo didn’t respond, and McCree didn’t try to engage him any further. He finished drying the mug quickly, gave McCree the bare minimum amount of acknowledgement (a nod) so as not to be considered rude, then went briskly out of the room to wherever Hanzo went each morning. McCree realized then, as he watched a stream of warm coffee trickle into the pot, that Hanzo Shimada was not particularly haughty after all. He was, however, incredibly skittish.

____________

It didn’t do any good for Mccree’s nerves to stay in bed after he had already woken up. If it was a nightmare, insomnia, or just a really strong craving for a cigarette that woke him, it didn’t matter. He had to get up and walk.

Whether or not the craving was what had woken him up that night, Mccree could not say for certain, but it helped him nonetheless to light up a cigarillo once he stepped out of his quarters. In the dim light the smoke looked hazy but smelled the same as it always did: repulsive, but comforting. The smell was less potent once he stepped outside. McCree leaned against the outside of the Watchpoint and watched the smoke escape into the summer night. It was calming to watch, in the way that simple things sometimes are. McCree remembered how he used to love watching the smoke off his mother’s cigarettes fade into the sky before he even thought of picking a cigarette up for himself.

The yellow ribbon caught his eye after the cigarillo burned down and there was no more smoke to watch. It looked almost golden, basking in the dim light of the beacon on the rooftop. Maybe it was more gold than yellow; Mccree only saw him wear it once before, when he first arrived, and didn’t have a good memory of the color. He remembered that it was Hanzo’s, though. Mccree thought briefly about climbing up to the roof and sitting with him, maybe exchanging a few words. Or maybe not, maybe he just could’ve sat with him and enjoyed the company without having to expend the effort it takes to speak, or to explain why he was awake in the middle of the night. If he did, though, maybe Hanzo Shimada, of all people, would have understood.

He decided against it, and instead stood against the side of the building and watched his hair ribbon sway in the gentle summer breeze. He wasn’t being kind to him, like Genji wanted, but he wasn’t doing him any wrong either. Hanzo probably didn’t want to talk to him, anyways. He never had before. Mccree watched the ribbon until he was tired again, and he returned to his quarters.

____________

Mccree saw him around the base occasionally, but it almost seemed to him like Hanzo was avoiding him. His guess was that it probably wasn’t a personal thing, but just that Hanzo didn’t like how Mccree said hello to him whenever they passed one another. Whether Mccree saw Hanzo around the base or not, it didn’t bother him, because he didn’t actually care one way or another about Hanzo. He was still a bit cautious of him, sure, but he couldn’t work up any of the same kind of anger he had about him back in his Blackwatch days.

He thought one night, as he stared at Hanzo’s ribbon from the siding of the Watchpoint, that maybe he should try and let the anger he once had toward Hanzo go entirely. If Genji chose to forgive him, then it wasn’t McCree’s place to hold onto that anger for him. Besides, It’s wasn’t like Hanzo had done anything other than talk to Genji, shoot his arrows, and sit on the roof with a ribbon in his hair since he’d come to join up with Overwatch. Mccree had trouble believing that the man who had become such a benign and marginal facet of his life on the Watchpoint was the same man who tried to kill his own brother all those years ago. 

Funny how things work, he thought with a small laugh. He ducked when he saw Hanzo’s head whip around. Hopefully he had gotten out of view before Hanzo zeroed in on where he was standing. When Mccree was sure that Hanzo had turned back away, he moved slowly back to where he was standing before. And every time he woke up since, he found himself automatically walking towards the same spot. He was mildly disappointed if Hanzo wasn’t there, too.

____________

The fifth time Mccree came around, he nearly fell asleep leaning on the wall, only to be awoken by Hanzo’s abrasive voice, coming at him from the edge of the rooftop. “I have only allowed you to stay here in the past under the pretense that you would not be making any sort of noise.”

Mccree snapped fully awake, and looked at Hanzo, still up on the roof, leaning down to speak with him. He looked smaller up there, but sort of regal. “What in God’s name are you talkin’ about?”

“You come, you smoke your cigarettes, then you stumble back to your room, but you never have begun to snore before.”

“Oh shit,” Mccree said groggily, “‘M sorry ‘bout that.” If Mccree were a little less tired, and a little more willing to fight, he probably wouldn’t have apologized. It wasn’t like Hanzo owned the area right outside the Watchpoint. “Sure you understand that a man don’t come about at this hour if he’s in the best condition.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“Oh come on, now, you’re tellin’ me that you get up at three in the mornin’ to medidate or somethin’? Bullshit.”

Hanzo shook his head. “I am not used to sleeping at… regular hours.”

Mccree smirked, “Yeah, neither am I. A few years of watchin’ your back 24/7 and ya start to wake up at anythin’, huh?”

Hanzo pursed his lips; Mccree found it a little strange that he was still on the roof. “I am sure that your sleeping schedule will rectify itself in time.” He tacked on at the end, as if considering whether or not it was worth it to acknowledge one of his vulnerabilities, “as I am sure that mine will as well.”

“If you say so. I ain’t sure that my sleep issues are somethin’ that’ll ever really work ‘emselves out at this point, though.”

“Then perhaps you should be telling this to a doctor, rather than to me.”

“Jesus, Shimada, I’m not tryin’ t’ seek treatment from you. Thought we were just makin’ conversation.”

“I have never been one for idle conversation.”

“M’kay. Then I won’t bother ya anymore.”

They stood for a second, looking around one another, but never quite making eye contact. Hanzo turned to leave, or to continue sitting on the rooftop for however long he usually did so, but appeared to decide against it. “If you ever find yourself awake at this hour again, I have found that the air is clearer at higher altitudes.”

“Is that… some kind a’ invitation?” Mccree said through a stifled laugh.

“It is only one if you are quiet.”

Mccree tipped his hat. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“Hm,” Hanzo muttered. It wasn’t quite a response, but rather, an acknowledgement that something was said to him. Hanzo turned to go back toward other end of the rooftop, and Mccree watched the ribbon as he walked away. 

____________

The next time McCree caught sight of the yellow ribbon on the rooftop, he took the stairs to join him. Wordlessly, Hanzo turned his head and saw him, nodded cordially, then turned back to face the sea.

Though McCree had a number of words waiting on the tip of his tongue, ready to flood the night air with awkward small talk, he stayed silent as he had been asked to do. He settled quietly behind Hanzo, and took a moment to truly look at him, now that he felt as if he had finally been given tentative permission to do so. He studied the straight line of his jaw and the curve of his cheek, and he studied the ribbon that wrapped up his hair and fell lightly at the side of his half-shaven head. In a lazy, sleepy daze, McCree concluded that he was gorgeous, and left it at that, focusing his eyes once more on the sea.  
____________

 

It took three more silent nights before Hanzo spoke to him again. “Has Winston given you any intel as to when we will begin running missions?”

McCree was so taken aback that he had to do a double take. Hanzo, who had never spoken unless spoken to (or unless impossibly annoyed) had said something to him without a single bit of hostility. He sounded guarded, of course, but nowhere near hostile. “Uh, you know the deal with the PETRAS act, right?”

“I know what it is, yes, but I was told it had been repealed.”

“Who told you that?”

“Genji.”

“Hm. He don’t have it quite right, then. Or he told you wrong for some reason, but I dunno why he’d do that. There’s lotsa talk in the UN about gettin’ in repealed and reformin’ Odub with stricter regulations, it’s just that they ain’t officially done it yet. They gave us the okay on assembling the team, though. Just no missions until they get all the legal shit worked out.”

“Ah.”

“So I don’t know when we’re gonna be runnin’ missions. May take a while, knowin’ the UN.”

“It seems counterproductive for them to take such a long time, seeing as we have been allowed to assemble due only to severely extenuating circumstances.”

McCree shrugged it off with a smile. “Ain’t no bureaucracy ever have the interests of the people in mind all the time. There’s good folks up the at the UN really pullin’ for us, though.”

“Ah.” Hanzo nodded, and refocused on the sea, though he had never turned to fully face McCree. “Thank you for informing me of the current situation.”

“No problem. I don’t mind talkin’.”

“So Genji has told me.”

“What’s that now?”

“I asked Genji what you were like. He laughed and told me that you are talkative.”

McCree smirked. “So you been askin’ about me?”

“Out of curiosity, yes. I’ve asked about everyone who has introduced themselves to me, and whose name I could remember. It is the habit of the best warriors to be aware of his allies strengths and weaknesses.”

Genji had told McCree that Hanzo had a propensity for valuing his allies, which McCree could see. It did seem rather cold, though, to see one’s fellow agents only as ways that one could advance his own status as a warrior. McCree preferred to think of many of them simply as friends, or if not that, at least as people. “You tell ‘im that we’re always sittin’ on the the roof together?”

“I told him that we have similar sleep schedules. I assume that the more inane details of my life do not interest him.”

“I see.” McCree paused and picked at his fingernails. He had so few opportunities to truly listen Hanzo and get a feel for his personality, so McCree was hesitant to let the rare bout conversation draw to an end. “You learn anything interestin’ about anyone else here?”

Hanzo was quiet for a moment, which made McCree unsure as to whether or not he was even going to respond. Eventually, Hanzo said, “In the sea of new and almost entirely meaningless information Genji has attempted to give me, the only thing that presently stands out to me is him vividly describing the strange smell of a man I have yet to meet called Torbjorn.”

While Hanzo kept a straight face, McCree nearly folded himself in two laughing.

From his position beside him, McCree saw a ghost of a smile crawl onto Hanzo’s lips. “I have amused you?”

McCree responded through violent laughter, “God, he does smell weird. It’s not even, like, a bad smell. ‘S just weird. Fuck, of all the things to remember. Fuckin’... fuckin’ Torbjorn.”

“Well, Genji is trying to acclimate me to this place by sharing memories for which I have no context. Naturally I am only going to remember the absurd… and perhaps, occasionally, something a little more useful.”

McCree let the conversation taper away naturally, unwilling to ruin what had been a productive encounter by pushing him too far. He decided then that the strange, elusive man with whom he spent the better part of many nights was going to be his friend, somehow. McCree stole glances at him when he was certain that Hanzo’s focus had shifted back to the water, unaware that Hanzo noticed, and had decided after a moment of intense consideration, to allow it.

____________

“Jesse McCree!” Genji exclaimed warmly upon walking into the rec room, “what a wonderful surprise it is to see you here.”

The room was empty except for McCree on the couch in front of the television, and Genji in the doorway. “The one n’ only.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?”

“Not at all. Was just takin’ a load off after trainin’ this morning. You know, Lena’s got it in her head that a little more cardio is what I been needin’, an’ she’s taken it upon herself to make sure I get it.” McCree smiled, thinking fondly of Lena, who, according to Winston’s reports, first showed up hours after the recall was issued. “I ‘preciate her makin’ the effort, even though I’m tired as all hell.”

“Ah,” Genji said, coming to join him on the couch, “Maybe a more vigorous exercise routine will help you regulate your sleep schedule.”

McCree looked over to Genji. “You been talkin’ to your brother?”

“He informed me that the two of you often run into each other during mutual bouts of insomnia.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s true. He ain’t bad company.”

“You do not know how glad I am to hear you say that.”

McCree nodded. “He been settlin’ in okay here? I ‘magine it’s a big change from what he’s used to.”

“For all I can tell… I think so. You must have observed by now that he is not generally a talkative person, and even when he does speak with me he is very careful to avoid the subject of his emotions.”

McCree glanced back at the TV and remembered how Hanzo had been the one to start their brief conversation, not McCree. “Yeah, he don’t talk very much.”

“He has always been reserved.”

“You and him gettin’ along alright?” McCree asked as subtly as he could. He hadn’t seen Genji and Hanzo around the base together past his first encounter with Hanzo, despite Hanzo’s account of Genji talking his ear off.

Genji let out a soft, gentle sigh. “Considering the rift that has been between us for the past decade, I would say we are doing well. I am… I am trying very hard to make him comfortable here. I just keep forgetting that it is not like when we were kids.” Genji added quietly, “It will never be like when we were kids again.”

“I’d give it time, Genji. He wouldn’t be here with you if he wasn’t tryin’ t’ make amends.”

Genji stared straight ahead. “Making amends doesn’t mean the same thing for Hanzo as it means for most people. He is here because he thinks he is repaying a debt to me by fighting for a cause I believe in. Fixing our bond as brothers is not ‘making amends’ in his book.”

“Maybe, maybe not. My bet is he’s just overwhelmed as hell. This place… n’ all these people here, it can be a lot, you know? I mean, God, Genji, he went years thinkin’ that he fuckin’ killed ya. That ain’t gonna fix itself overnight.”

“You have a good point, McCree.”

“Hell, I know we’re just gettin’ back into bein’ agents here after bein’ away so long, but you can still call me Jesse. I mean, I still consider you t’ be one a’ my best friends.”

“As I, you… Jesse.”

McCree shook his head. “Remember when you n’ we were just a couplea’ dumb punk kids in Blackwatch? Hard to believe it was so long ago, now.”

“And yet sitting here on this couch, it feels almost as if we never even left.”

“You n’ me oughta go out n’ get drinks for real. Or maybe dinner in town, catch up for real, just like ol’ times.”

“I concur. Oh, speaking of catching up!” Genji turned toward McCree excitedly, “That reminds me! There is someone I cannot wait for you to meet.”

McCree raised his eyebrows. “Can’t imagine who.”

“My mentor has agreed to come later this month and spend two weeks on the base. He has helped me through so much, and I am certain that he is the reason I am here with you today. When I was with him in Nepal, I spoke of you very often.”

“You tell ‘im what a pain in your ass I was?”

“No, Jesse, only good things!” Genji laughed and added, “Well, mostly good things. I still have not forgiven you for our mission to Amsterdam…”

McCree cracked a wide smile. “Oh, God, Amsterdam… hell, Genji, I was twenty-four and drunk off my ass!”

“That is no excuse.”

“Okay, fine, thirteen years later, m’ sorry my stupid drunk ass looked up a picture of your father n’ called him a ‘silver fox’.” McCree could barely keep a straight face. It was bittersweet to sit and remember memories of his early twenties with an old friend.

“You are lucky,” Genji said, equally as amused, “that I have been in a forgiving mood lately.”

“Means a lot, Genji.”

Thirty-seven, McCree thought. Thirty-seven, he thought as Genji’s laughter tapered away. Thirty-seven, he thought, as he remembered the silly drunk twenty-four year old in Amsterdam who had been given second chance after second change. Thirty-seven, he thought, as he wondered if the reformed Overwatch would be the last second chance he’d ever get. Thirty-seven.

“But really, Jesse, I cannot wait for you to meet Zenyatta. You will love him, and I am sure Angela will too, provided she arrives here on time to meet him.”

McCree sighed, leaning back, “Oh fuck, I miss Angie.”

Genji mimicked him. “Oh fuck, me too.”

They sat on the couch for a few moments, content merely with the presence of another person who understood. Finally, Genji spoke. “I appreciate you being kind to my brother. I think it helps his anxiety surrounding this place to know he has an ally besides his brother.”

“Ain’t no problem,” McCree said quietly. “‘Sides, like I said. He’s good company.”

____________

“You like it here Shimada?” McCree asked the next time he found himself on the rooftop with Hanzo. He waited for a while to allow Hanzo time to begin speaking on his own terms, but it had been around a half an hour, and McCree was becoming restless with anticipation.

Hanzo whipped his head around, not expecting McCree to actually speak to him. “I don’t see how that is any of your concern.”

“Woah, sorry, didn’t mean t’ offend. Just wanted to be nice is all.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes following McCree’s misstep. He figured that Hanzo didn’t feel ready to share things he deemed personal yet with McCree. If he had interpreted Genji’s statements correctly, McCree didn’t even think Hanzo had shared too much personal stuff with his own brother yet. He must have just been a private guy, and McCree was prepared to take no offense to it.

Out of the blue and without looking at him, Hanzo proved McCree’s train of thought wrong. “I do not know if I am enjoying it here.”

Cautiously, McCree asked, “Well I don’ know what ya mean by that.”

“I do not know if I am happy,” Hanzo said plainly, “or if all of this chaos has distracted me from my melancholy. You must recognize that there is a difference.”

“Yeah, now that you mention it, I reckon that I do.”

“Mhm.”

“Y’know, even though we ain’t in the same exact boat, I really do understand the feelin’, bein’ back here. ‘S weird.”

At that, Hanzo actually turned his head to look at McCree. “How so?”

“This place is full a’ ghosts, Shimada. I see ‘em everywhere I go. N’ I’ll be talkin’ to your brother, havin’ a great time, n’ it’s just like I expect our old CO to just burst in n’ tell us to knock it off in that kinda fond way he used to yell at us.”

“CO is-?”

“Oh, sorry, forgot about the language barrier shit, your English bein’ so good n’ all. Commanding Officer. That would’a been Gabriel Reyes.”

“I believe I have heard that name before. Genji mentioned him once or twice.”

“Yeah. He had his moments where he was a real piece a shit n’ all but you know… miss ‘im like all hell.” McCree took his hat in one hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “You know I was in town the other week an’ I heard a woman speakin’ Arabic to her kid. Made me whip my head around so fast because that woman sounded just like Ana Amari. God, I was shook up until the next morning.”

“That is… the sniper?”

“Yeah. Captain Ana Amari, one a’ the best snipers ‘ever lived.” McCree shook his head. “Loved ‘er like I loved my own mother.”

“She is-”

“Dead?”

“Dead, yes.”

“Yeah. She’s dead. Reyes too.”

Hanzo looked at him, perhaps seeing McCree for the first time as more than an ally or a wordless nighttime companion. “I am deeply sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you for sayin’ that.”

Hanzo looked away from McCree once again. A light breeze came in from the sea, lifting his ribbon ever so slightly off his shoulders. “Genji has grown up very much since… that night. But sometimes, he will try to joke with me, or he will walk in a certain way, and I become overwhelmed because for a moment I can see the brother I knew in my youth.”

“Genji’s been through hell n’ back in his life but you know he ain’t never left, right?”

Hanzo shut his eyes. “He did leave, though, after I wronged him. He left me for a very long time.”

“Well, c’mon now, you don’t really blame him do you? He was angry when he was in Blackwatch. He was a great friend, and fun to be around sure, but his mind wasn’t in a good place back then. You’re damn lucky that he ran into that monk of his n’ learned to forgive you before he tried huntin’ you down instead. And most importantly, Shimada, he came back.”

“I don’t blame him,” Hanzo said somewhat defensively, “I blame myself entirely for what I did to him. Having Genji here with me, and having him try so selflessly and so incessantly to make amends with me is serving instead as a constant reminder of how I have wronged him.”

“Mhm.”

“I am happy to be with him again, but at the same time it is incredibly difficult to even look at him.”

“Have you told him that?”

“No, of course not.”

“Well, maybe you should.”

“I hope that someday, I will be able to.”

McCree allowed a beat of silence before asking another question. “You come up here to think about stuff like that?”

“My thoughts often travel to Genji once I am awake, yes.”

“A couple’a bad memories can really keep a man up at night, huh?”

Hanzo stayed silent.

“I know more often’n not I’m up here on account’a nightmares.”

“That sounds difficult.”

“You ever get ‘em?”

Hanzo paused for a bit, and McCree was afraid that he had asked too personal of a question. Hanzo surprised him with a candid answer. “I used to very frequently, but in my years of exile they tapered away. They never quite stopped, but they almost did. They have fairly recently returned with a vengeance.”

“‘Bein here triggered ‘em again?”

Hanzo shook his head vigorously. “Genji.”

“Oh. Yeah, guess I can imagine how that’d be… somethin’.”

“Seeing him alive… is absolutely surreal. It is terrifying.”

“You just gotta remember that Genji ain’t a ghost, anymore. He’s real.” McCree added quietly, “He’s real and he’s tryin’ to make amends. For God’s sake, he forgave you.” McCree ran through a list of people in his head who he wished he could forgive for leaving, who he wished he could see once more.

Hanzo didn’t respond. McCree assumed it was because he had said something Hanzo wasn’t ready to hear. Or perhaps he was ready, and he just didn’t want to hear it. McCree sighed deeply and asked, “Don’t you get a little tired sometimes?” 

“Tired?”

“Y’know. Always dwellin’ on bad memories. Always beratin’ yourself about your mistakes.”

“I suppose.”

“You’d think maybe two old men like us should be tryin’ to forget our pasts and gettin’ a little shuteye.”

“Even if it were possible to merely forget one’s past, I believe that I am a type of tired that cannot simply be rectified by one good night’s sleep.”

“Oh yeah? Then what would fix you up?”

Hanzo smiled wryly. “Perhaps a nice, long, coma.”

“Oh, c’mon now Han, you’d be missin’ out on too much.”

“Maybe so,” Hanzo said nonchalantly, “but I would wake up incredibly refreshed.”

____________

Hanzo didn’t avoid him around the base anymore. He would even reply somewhat courteously when McCree said hello to him. He never stopped for more than a minute or two of conversation, but McCree was happy to think that maybe Hanzo had begun to consider him something of a friend ever since their candid discussion on the rooftop.

Once when he stopped Hanzo by the kitchen, Hanzo took a moment to ask if McCree knew anything of places to get Japanese food in town, remarking that he wished to have food that he was a bit more used to. McCree tried to describe an Asian supermarket he remembered only vaguely, and thought, as he did so, that he had never met a man who looked quite as lovely in the sunlight as Hanzo Shimada.

____________

With a lit cigarillo in his mouth, leaning over the railing and looking out across the water, McCree began to wonder why it was Genji who always seemed to find him first, and not the other way around.

“Jesse McCree!”

McCree turned around to see Genji hurrying toward him with an omnic he didn’t recognize in towe. Based on what Genji had told him, McCree assumed that the omnic was Genji’s master, Zenyatta. He dressed just like the activist who had been assassinated- Tekhartha Mondatta, McCree remembered. The association he made was almost eerie. “Hey Genji! And this must be-”

Genji interrupted excitedly, “Tekhartha Zenyatta, my dear friend and mentor.”

When Genji and Zenyatta got close enough, McCree extended his hand to be shaken. Zenyatta took in gently for a moment in both of his own. “It is a pleasure to meet such a close friend of Genji’s.”

McCree smiled. There was something about Zenyatta that made him genuinely pleasant to be around. He exuded calmness. “I can say the same t’ you. I’ve heard lotsa’ good things about you.”

Zenyatta tilted his head sideways. “I am glad to hear so.”

“So you’re just here a few weeks for a visit?”

“Yes, Genji is one of my brightest pupils. It is a shame that we have had so little opportunity to talk since the recall.”

McCree replied, “I bet it is. Genji’s got important work to do here, though, soon as everythin’ with the PETRAS is worked out.”

“I am sure he does,” Zenyatta said fondly. 

“You ever been to Spain before?” McCree asked.

“No, this is my first time in Western Europe. Before I left the Shambali, I spent most of my time in Nepal.”

Genji interjected, “You never came to Europe once you left?”

“I was able to spend some time in Eastern Europe, but most of my time was spent roaming around Asia.”

“Ah, yes, I remember now, you told me that once.”

McCree looked at the two of them, so comfortable with one another. Mentor and student, yes, but also friends. “You like it here so far?”

“Yes. It is warm here, and the sea is beautiful.”

“I think so too.” McCree tapped on his cigarillo and turned slightly back towards the water. “I don’t wanna keep you two for long, now. It was nice meetin’ ya, Zenyatta.”

Zenyatta nodded. “Likewise, Jesse McCree.”

McCree watched them until they rounded the corner and left his line of sight. He thought of how Genji had left Blackwatch scared, angry, and confused, and how he had come once again to Overwatch unrecognizably confident, happy, and calm. He wondered if he should’ve said ‘thank you for saving his life’ rather than ‘how do you like Spain’, or if that would have come across as strange. Either way, McCree was certain he had never liked someone more upon first impression than he liked the nomadic former monk Tekhartha Zenyatta.

____________

McCree was out on a supply run when he got the message that Angela Ziegler had arrived on the base. He practically dropped everything to run back to the base, but Lena gently convinced him to finish what they had come into the town to do. Once they had gotten back, though, there was nothing that could have stopped him from finding her.

He found her exactly where he expected: poking around the abandoned medical facilities on the base. She looked so natural there, as if her mere presence erased years of neglect. It was almost like none of them had ever even left, and McCree was still twenty-six, stumbling into her busy office to encourage her to take a break and share a drink and some good conversation with him. “Hey Ange.”

Angela spun around on her heels abruptly, then covered her mouth with her hands. Her voice wavered, showing that she was holding back tears. “Jesse!”

He opened his arms, letting her run into them. She had dropped her bag on the floor. The two of them embraced each other next to the hospital bed, hesitant to let go. “I missed ya, Ange.”

Finally, she let go and wiped away a tear. “I missed you too, Jesse. I spent a long time being very worried about you.”

“Well, that’s nothin’ new. You were always worried about me,” McCree replied with a smile.

“You haven’t changed much,” she told him. It was funny, he remembered her accent being thicker than it actually was. Perhaps it was a memory that accentuated itself the more it played over in McCree’s head.

“N’ you look better n’ the day I last saw you. What’s your secret? Damn, not a wrinkle on ya.”

Angela shrugged gingerly. “The caduceus technology can do wonders on more than just wounds, if you use it in moderation.”

“By God, is it good to see you.”

She looked at McCree up and down, then stopped at his arm and gasped. “Your arm… what happened Jesse? Are you alright?”

“Ah,” he said, waving it off with his prosthetic hand, “Wasn’t nothin’. Stray shot from a gangbanger down in New Mexico. ‘M all fixed up now, and this arm works better than the original.”

“It reminds me how dangerous this all was.”

“Someone’s gotta do it. You know that.”

Angela closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I just hope we do a better job of it this time around.”

“I think we will. I mean, I know it. That’s why I came back. N’ I’d go out on a limb n’ say that’s why you came back, too.”

Angela nodded her head, initially keeping composure, then hugged McCree again. “I missed you very much, Jesse. Please, if you ever decide to leave again, please give me a call so I know that you’re okay. I worried so, so much about you.”

McCree ran his fingers slowly over her back, and let her stay. Perhaps next to Ana, Angela was the last woman he’d ever expect to cry into his shoulder. The sight of him must really have been too much to bear after all these years. He remembered then, that Genji had mentioned that the two of them exchanged letters, and he assumed that she had probably done some of the same with Winston, Lena, and some of the other agents. McCree, on the other hand, went into hiding and essentially disappeared off the face of the earth once he left Blackwatch. He had told Hanzo about all the ghosts that haunted him around the base, but he realized then, with Angela’s slender arms around his waist, that he was just as much of a ghost as Jack and Gabriel in her eyes. The guilt was almost too much for him to bear. “I promise. But Angie, I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

She squeezed him tighter. McCree closed his eyes. 

Thirty-seven, he thought. Back when he was young he would come in and talk with her for hours while she worked and he should have been working, and she would chastise him for smoking and tell him about her research in as much detail as he could stomach. At thirty-seven, he held her as she cried, stifling tears of his own. At thirty-seven, he realized that he was too old to leave the people who loved him most behind again.

When she finally let go, the two of them talked for hours.

____________

Hanzo spoke first on the night they became friends, asking, “Do you think it would be wise of me to introduce myself to the doctor?”

McCree snapped his head around to look at him. Hanzo looked so earnest that McCree couldn’t help laughing. “What? Why the hell wouldn’t ya?”

Hanzo shrugged and looked away casually. “I am unsure if she harbors any… grudges. She was the one who reconstructed Genji, yes?”

“Well, yeah, she was. And I ain’t gonna promise you that she’ll be real friendly to you right off the bat, but it’s gonna be worse for you if you don’t try. Angie don’t take well to passive aggression.”

“Thank you for the advice.”

McCree took a drag and blew cigarillo smoke into the horizon. “I could go with ya, you know, if ya want. She’ll be more likely to warm up t’ya if I come along and introduce you as my friend.” McCree stumbled briefly over the word ‘friend’, trying to keep it from coming out, but saying it regardless. He looked to see if Hanzo would react negatively to it- which he didn’t seem to do. In a typical Hanzo fashion, he kept a completely neutral face, as if reaction to things like tentative declarations of friendship were completely above him.

“Perhaps.” Hanzo picked at his nails for a moment and asked, “So you and Doctor Ziegler are close?”

“Uh, yeah. Me and Ange were real close back in the day. One a’ the best friends I ever had.”

“Just friends?”

McCree couldn’t hide, however brief it was, his complete confusion at the question. “Just- yeah. Just friends. She n’ Genji had somethin’ on n’ off for a while though. Might be on again for all I know.”

“Maybe he would tell you if you asked.”

“Okay, I’ll ask about it. We’re gettin’ drinks tomorrow night.”

Hanzo nodded.

“It’s so weird to say that, after all these years. I’m gettin’ drinks with Genji.”

“I agree.”

McCree shook his head. “You know, for someone who’s been through as much as you have, you’re surprisingly calm about it all.”

“I could say the same for you. Some people collapse under pressure, but others, like you and I, find ways to cope. You like to talk.”

McCree smiled. “What’s that mean?”

“I did not mean to insult you. I have merely noticed, that when you are concerned about something, you need to say it. I don’t mind.”

“So what’s yours, then if mine’s talkin’ your ear off?”

“I like to sit in silence. It helps me sort my own thoughts.”

“So it looks like the way I deal with my shit makes it harder for you to deal with yours, huh?”

“Perhaps on some nights. But only the worst warrior is inflexible.” They looked away from each other, and back towards the sea. In the distance, a sailboat was floating near the coast. Hanzo added, without taking his eyes away from the water, “And only the worst friend is unwilling to listen.”

____________

McCree was thankful that they found a bar that carried alcohol for omnics (which was the only kind Genji’s system could process), because he sure had missed the drunken, rambunctious Genji he remembered from his Blackwatch days.

“I do admire,” Genji said between sips of his third beer, “You’re continued committal to aesthetics. A real-life cowboy, I’ll never get over that, as long as I live.”

“C’mon, you ain’t one to talk, with yer ninja get-up n’ all. Cyborg ninja, that’s even more ridiculous than a cowboy.”

“Ah, yes, but at least I have self awareness. You think you’re cool- what does that stand for again? Bad Ass Mother Fucker?” Genji almost folded himself in half with laughter, then finished most of his beer. “Have you ever tried omnic beer? Would you like a sip?”

McCree shook his head. “Naw, I tried it once. That shit don’t sit right with me. My digestive system’s a lil’ too organic for it.”

“Fair enough,” Genji said, and finished his drink. He hailed over the bartender to procure another.

McCree, in turn, finished the rest of his. He opted to buy a harder drink next, with plenty of whisky. “Say, before I get too drunk n’ forget, I was meanin’ to ask about you and Angie. Is that, you know. Is something still happening there, or did it fizzle out after all these years?”

“I cannot say for certain. For a while we were strictly on platonic terms- that was when we were exchanging letters- but now that she is here in person…” Genji waved his hand in the air. “What do I know? Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t. I won’t tell you that I haven’t thought about it, though.” Genji sighed, “More extensively than I would admit to you sober.” Genji always displayed a curious pattern of getting slightly more articulate when buzzed, then becoming completely incomprehensible after a few more drinks. The correlation between his linguistic abilities and the amount he had to drink on a given night always made for a very interesting study.

“Give it time, Genji. Something might work ‘s long as you don’t push anything.”

“Ah, thank you, McCree, I’m well aware. Things with Angela always just… happen, if they are going to. How about you? Has there been anyone special in your life?”

McCree shrugged and looked into his drink. “Domesticity don’t go too well with the merc life, ya know?”

“So I hear you saying that you have had a few years worth of unfortunate one night stands with strange men, none of which you ever called, even though half of them left you their number.”

McCree took a long sip. “Yep.”

“Perhaps things will look up for you now that you are not in hiding. Negotiations about your bounty situation are going well at the UN, yeah?”

McCree noticed how Genji and Hanzo would both do the same things where they ended sentences as questions- but Hanzo would always opt for the more formal ‘yes’ rather than Genji’s signature ‘yeah’ or ‘right’. From what he had experienced, McCree could say that Genji’s English- or at least his understanding of slang- was slightly better than Hanzo’s, but McCree also had the feeling that Hanzo just had more of a distaste for informality. “Yep. Everytime I get an update on it, ‘s good news. Things are lookin’ up for all of us and new Overwatch. Got a feelin’ this’ll be a real good year, Genji.”

“As do I.”

They made a toast, “To a good year.”

After another round and some time for the alcohol to take effect, McCree asked,“Where’s the uh… monk guy. Zenyatta. I love that guy.”

“You love him? But you just- ha- you’ve only just met him!”

“Don’t care. He took your angsty 25 year old ass chewed you up n’ spit out someone who actually seems to have his life together. I love that guy because of what he did for you. Where is he tonight?”

“He wanted to spend a night with my brother.”

“N’ Han agreed to it? Th’ stubborn self-isolating bastard?”

“He did, reluctantly. I said it would mean a lot to me.”

“Y’know,” McCree said, beginning to slur his words, “I think he’s really tryin’ t’ do right by you. He has no fuckin’ idea how, but he’s trying.”

“Hanzo?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you two close now?”

“We’re friends.”

“He let’s you call him ‘Han’?”

“Yeah. I don’t know. He’s never tol’ me he had a- problem with it.”

“Oh, that is good to hear. Like you said, he’s a self-isolating bastard. It’s always been hard for him to make friends, I imagine even more so now.”

“He’s really doin’ alright, Genji, you just gotta give him time.”

Genji finished off his drink. “You know it’s a lot more work than I thought.”

“What?”

“Trying to… repair things with him. I spent so much time working through it all with Zenyatta that I forgot Hanzo is real person with flaws and a human temperament. And as far as human temperaments go he has a difficult one. Because you know, sometimes I just wish he’d yell at me. I wish he’d blow up and say everything I know he wants to instead of acting so cold towards me, like I was just some cyborg that came to replace the old Genji instead of the real Genji! So he could focus on our issues instead of pretending I’m still dead!”

McCree rubbed at his temple with his mechanical hand. “Time, Genji.”

Genji turned away, reluctant to let the subject rest, but knowing there was nothing he could say to refute what McCree had said.

After another round, it was McCree’s turn to wax philosophical. “You ever thought about settling down? Kids, marriage, all that?”

“Maybe if I found the right woman.” Genji lapsed into Japanese for a minute before laughing to himself. He always was a bit of a lightweight compared to McCree, who could still only consider himself slightly more than buzzed.

“I used to think, you know, maybe I would. And throughout my whole life it was maybe this n’ maybe that, n’ now that I’m thinkin’ maybe I’d really like to, I’m figurin’ that I’m too old. Thirty-seven.”

“Is that how old you are now? I lost track. Ani’s… 38 then? A year older than you. That’s how I used to remember it.”

“Mhm. He’s thirty-eight. But y’know I’ve been thinkin’, too, that bein’ domestic don’t work too well with this line of work, either. I used to say that it was just the merc stuff holdin’ me back, and once I got somethin’ more stable I could have an actual relationship, but I don’t know anymore. You pick… you pick Odub or settlin’ down. Because both of ‘em mean a kind of family, and you only got room for one family. I abandoned you guys once and I can’t fuckin’ do that again. Thirty-seven, fuck, I’m too old to be abandonin’ people again.”

Genji yawned. “You know, Ana had Fareeha.”

“Yeah. Ana fuckin’ died on us before Fareeha was even grown up. Say I go out like Ana, can I really leave people who depend on me so much behind? But what’s the alternative, endin’ up bitter old men like Jack and Gabe, married to their work and killin’ themselves n’ each other every day over it?”

“And you are the one who called Ani a self-isolating bastard. Like I said before, you have no self-awarity.” Genji trailed off once more in Japanese.

“Alright, Genji, it’s time to get you home.” McCree knew when Genji started forgetting English words he should probably be done for the night.

“Yes, I think you’re right. I’m tired.”

Genji clutched McCree’s arm as he lead him stumbling out of the bar. Thirty-seven, McCree thought, still trying not to end up like his heroes but afraid of what would happen if he didn’t. Thirty-seven, and desperately afraid of dying alone.

“Jesse,” Genji leaned over and whispered in his ear, “For what it’s worth to you, if Angela asked, I would marry her in a heartbeat and never let her go.”

McCree pat Genji’s back gently and guided him along. “You always have been a bit o’ a romantic.”

____________

“After all these years your brother still can’t handle his alcohol.”

“He never could. I doubt he ever will be able to, at this point.”

“What about you? You a drinker?”

“...Occasionally.”

McCree’s lip curled into a smile. “Maybe next time I’ll bring some beers up here, eh?”

Hanzo scoffed. “Beers? What, are we still in high school?”

“Fine, then, what’s yer drink?”

“Sake.”

“Reckon I’ve never tried it.”

“They sell it here at the Asian Supermarket in town- it’s a fairly decent brand. It is nothing like I had in Hanamura, but it is functional.”

“Well, ‘s long as it’s functional I’m willin’ to try.”

There was a lull in the conversation. McCree swung his legs under the edge of the railing, and begun to swing them in the night breeze. “How’d it go with Zenyatta?”

“Did my brother tell you about that?”

“Yeah. How’d it go?”

“It was nothing I did not expect. I think his philosophy is lazy and uncomplicated, but an hour of meditation was not unbearable.”

McCree laughed to himself. “Why’d you go if you think he’s such a crackpot?” He already knew the answer, but wanted to hear Hanzo say it himself.

“Genji asked me to.”

“You just need to sit down and talk to him, Han.”

Hanzo didn’t look up. McCree could see his face form a series of unpleasant expressions, before neutralizing like it always did. “I know.”

“I mean, you can go around forever doin’ him favors and meetin’ with his floating monk mentor and listenin’ to him talk but at some point… you just gotta open up and talk to him yerself.” McCree tacked on at the end, “You know, he really wishes you would.”

Hanzo shook his head. “You do not understand. We have been alienated from one another for years-”

“And you still are.”

“But at least he is here! It may not be like it was, but at least I can be with him. When I look at him, I’m overcome by guilt, but at least I know that I did not kill him!”

McCree took a long drag, just to be sure Hanzo was done. “If you were just a normal set a’ brothers, I’d just say, you know, fine, pussyfoot around each other for th’ rest a’ your lives, I don’t care. But in this line a’ work you never know when you ain’t got another tomorrow to keep not tellin’ each other how you feel. We could be runnin’ any old mission, it could go haywire, and before you know it one of the people you love most could be dead before your eyes. So you better work your shit out before we get into the thick of it, or who knows? One of you might be real sorry.”

The moon looked small overhead, as if it were embarrassed that it was listening. Hanzo took a deep breath in and out. “I am petrified of losing him again.”

“Well, you better tell ‘im that.”

“I know.” Hanzo, like McCree, put his legs under the railing so they were hanging off the roof. He didn’t swing them, though. “Have you been thinking about Ana Amari again?”

“Been thinkin’ bout a lot of people.”

“But Ana Amari, in particular?”

“Yep.” McCree turned to face Hanzo for a moment, then his eyes strayed to the yellow ribbon, which had been lifted in the breeze. “I think I’m gettin’ too old for all this. It’s startin’ to catch up with me.”

“Perhaps. Perhaps you and I both are. But that doesn’t change the fact that there is still work that needs to be done.”

Hanzo, duty bound to a fault, looked out at the water, trying to sound confident, despite his crippling uncertainty. McCree began to see him, then, not as the lucid presence that had come to dominate his sleepless nights, but rather, as a person with layers of flaws and complexity that he tried to mask with a golden ribbon and a flat expression.

____________

Earlier in the day, McCree had gone into town with one of the new recruits (D.Va, as she was called by her fans, Hana, as she was called by her friends) to do a supply run. When she insisted on going into the Asian market to see if they carried a brand of Korean candies she missed from home, McCree made a point of buying a bottle of Sake.

“Sake?” Hana said, “I’m not a fan. Suit yourself, though.”

“I never tried it. I’m buyin’ it for a friend.”

“Shimada?”

“Yeah.”

“Makes sense. It’s more popular in Japan.” She popped her bubblegum and dropped the subject, moving on to ask McCree if anyone else on the team had experience piloting mechas. 

Later, in the faint glow of moonlight and the unassuming company of the sea, Hanzo told him he got the wrong brand. “It is not the best they have. It is acceptable, though.”

“Aw, sorry. Thought this was the good one ‘cause it had the most Japanese on it. Looked authentic.”

Hanzo cracked a fleeting smile. “That is reasonable.” He took a sip. “I have been thinking about what you said the other night.”

“Really? You talked to Genji?”

“I have said some things, and left others yet unsaid. You know it is-”

“Difficult?”

“Difficult.”

“You’ll get there.”

“As I am sure you will as well.”

“Me? What are you-”

“You will get there. Wherever there is for you, Jesse.”

“You don’ have to make fun a’ me, I was just tryin’ to-”

“Help, I know. I was not making fun of you. I was being entirely genuine.”

“Oh. Thanks, Han.”

Hanzo topped off both of their drinks. “Of course.”

It was strange to be continually confronted with the realization that Hanzo was a real, and actually relatively pleasant person. All McCree had known of him before was informed by Genji’s anger-filled rants in his youth. How strange, he realized then too, it was that he was beginning to fall for him. He wondered if the incredible patience and kindness Hanzo had begun to show towards him was any indication that he felt the same.

“You want me to introduce you to Angie tomorrow?”

“If you have the time. I’m sure I could manage myself, though.”

“You could. Angie ain’t too scary.” McCree added with a smile, “you’re gettin’ there.”

“I suppose so. Do you enjoy the sake?”

“Ain’t half bad.”

“What’s your usual drink?”

“Whiskey.”

“Yes, I think Genji’s told me that.”

“So you were talkin’ about me again?”

“Genji and I have been talking more, at your recommendation. We address a wide variety of topics.” There was something coy about his complete neutrality that was hard to place.

We should get a drink sometime, he almost said, in a real bar, not three am on the roof running from our pasts. Fuck it, he almost said, we’re almost 40 with psyches wrecked beyond complete repair, so let’s go out sometime and call this more than friends. “That’s good. Genji’s always been easy to talk to.”

____________

“What’s on your mind, Jesse McCree?”

“Just… uh… just Jesse is fine. Master. Zenyatta. Master Zenyatta.”

“Please, just Zenyatta will suffice.”

“Okay, Zenyatta.”

“So, what’s on your mind?”

McCree leaned against the railing by the coast and looked up to the roof where he had been drinking with Hanzo the night before. “A lot, I guess.”

“Aha. That sounds overwhelming.”

“Yeah, I s’pose it is.”

“How about instead of telling me what’s on your mind, you tell me the first thing on your mind? The secret to unlocking our innermost conflict is first addressing the ones that are most accessible to us.”

“That’s smart.”

“So?”

“Dunno. I’ve been feelin’ weird since I got back here.”

“Weird. Tell me what that means to you.”

“I’m feelin’ unsettled. I keep thinkin’ Reyes or Ana is just gonna pop up whenever I round the corner.” He forced a laugh, “Crazy, huh?”

“It sounds to me like you haven’t yet come to terms with your grief.”

 

“Hm, maybe. But it ain’t just that. It’s bein’ around Genji, Mercy, hell, even Winston and Lena. Everyone’s changed.”

Zenyatta nodded. “Yes, of course. It’s been several years, and everyone changes. You yourself have changed as well.”

“Yeah. I have.”

“So why is change unsettling to you?”

“Maybe… ‘cause I wasn’t there to see it. They just changed.”

“You weren’t there to see it.”

McCree shrugged. “I just left. N’ then I came back and everyone was really different. I regret leavin’ ‘em.”

“I can see that. So it is more important now than ever that you don’t withdraw from them. And I’ll tell you something else, not as a teacher, but as a friend: Genji has often expressed to me just how glad he is that you’ve returned to him.”

“Good to know.”

Zenyatta got about as close to a smile as his robotic face could manage.

“It’s a shame you’re leavin’ so soon. Could use a guy like you around the base year round.”

“My purpose in life is no longer to be stationary, as much as I wish I could spend more time with you all.”

McCree took out a cigarillo and his lighter. “You mind if I smoke?”

“It has no effect on me.”

“Yeah, I know. Just tryn’ t’ be polite.” He lit it and put it to his lips in one motion. “You know Genji’s brother?”

Zenyatta laughed quietly, “Yes, I have met with him. Stubborn, but not without hope.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him.”

“Did you have something to say about him? An issue you needed help working out?”

“Yeah. Think I have a thing for him.”

“With all due respect, Jesse, that hardly sounds like an issue at all, and it doesn’t sound like something I can solve for you.”

“I know. Just needed to say it to someone, you know? I’m out of practice with stuff like this. Tryin’ to get some nerve up or… or something. I don’t know what I’m tryin’ to do.”

“I understand. I wish you the best of luck, Jesse. But I would advise you not to wait long, if you intend to act on it. People tend to revel in their own self-doubt so long that they can longer find their way out of it. Decisiveness is found within emotional clarity.”

“You’re full of those little nuggets of wisdom, aren’t you?”

“It is my job.”

“You’re kind of funny for a monk, you know that?”

“One should always strive to enjoy life. And what is life without a little humor?”

“Damn, well said, Zenyatta. No wonder Genji likes you so much.”

“Oh, speaking of Genji, it looks as if he’s calling me now. This was nice McCree. I’ve appreciated this opportunity to get to know you.”

“Likewise.”

“Please, keep in touch, Jesse. I hope to see you feel comfortable here.”

“Yeah, of course. You’ve been… you’ve been real helpful.” He put a hand on the back of his head. “N’ maybe don’t tell Genji about that thing I told you today… about his brother? Not to be like a kid, but you know I just-”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.”

“I will see you before you leave, yes?”

“Yeah, ‘course. I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Goodbye for now then, McCree.”

____________

A few people came out to say goodbye to Zenyatta before he left. It was a rather touching event, with lots of last-minute wisdom dealt out. He gave McCree a hug before he left, just as simply as he came, with the clothes on his back and a single bag strapped to his waist. Truly a nomad, in every sense of the word. He promised to visit as soon as he could.

McCree leaned against the side of the base after everyone had trickled back in, saying he was taking a smoke break. He didn’t pull out a cigarillo for quite some time, and stayed long after it had gone out. Thirty-seven, he thought blankly, and still completely lost like he was when he was a teenager, first picking up a gun and leaving home for the last time. Still self-isolating and afraid of all the same shit and more. Ever since he picked up a gun at 14 he hadn’t had a single day where he was sure he’d make it to the next one, and he thought as he lit up his second cigarillo, he’d better start acting like it.

That night on the roof, Hanzo had been telling him something that he was barely listening to. A story, a concern, maybe a very elaborate joke. McCree’s mind had wandered elsewhere.

“Are you listening?”

“Hm?”

“Apparently not.”

“Sorry I was just… zonin’ out, I guess. You ever do that?”

“No.”

“Everybody fuckin’ does that you liar.”

“Hm.” A concession without actually conceding. “It was not important.”

“‘M sorry.”

“What were you thinking about?”

“Nothin’. Not much.”

Hanzo looked away and left McCree to his thoughts. McCree looked for a few minutes more out at the sea- the waves, particularly heavy that night, were crashing against the rocks. He turned then, to look at Hanzo. First the golden ribbon floating behind his head in the breeze, then his hair, looser than it normally was, then him, looking decisively not at him, until he did. “What?”

McCree shook his head, and said nothing, instead tentatively reaching towards his face, asking for permission. Hanzo leaned in, and granted it.  
____________

I fucked your brother, McCree almost said, sitting across from Genji at breakfast. You know the one who tried to kill you, then you forgave him and told me to be nice to him? The one you’ve got a super messed-up relationship with, that I definitely should not be complicating? That one? Yeah, I fucked that one, he was almost aching to say. “Mornin’ Genji.”

“Good morning, Jesse. Sleep well?”

“Uh, yeah. You know, as well as usual.”

“Aha. Did you have one of your rooftop chats with my brother again?”

“Yeah. A chat.”

“He’s been coming out of his shell a lot more since you became friends. I think you have had a very good influence on him. Some of your affinity for talking has rubbed off on him.”

“Oh, yeah? That’s great. Glad you guys are talkin’ more.” McCree attempted to steer the conversation away from Hanzo. “How you holdin’ up since Zenyatta left?”

“I’m doing fine. I am no longer dependant on him as I was during the early stages of my recovery. But, as always, I will miss his presence.”

“I get that. There’s somethin’ about that guy, Genji. He works wonders.”

“Ah, yes, he mentioned that he had a chat with you.”

“Mhm. It was great, too. ‘S like therapy, except there ain’t no uncomfortable couch n’ no sleazy guy askin’ you about the male role models in your life.”

“That sounds oddly specific.”

“C’mon, I know Gabe made you see a shrink once too.”

Genji shrugged. “That sounds right, but I do not remember the appointment well.” Genji said teasingly, “Do- do you have daddy issues you want to talk about, Jesse? Because I could go on forever about mine, if that is something you would like to do.”

McCree shook his head and laughed. “You know? Sounds temptin’ but I’m gonna have to pass today.”

“Suit yourself. It would have been a conversation for the decade. We would have both been crying by the end of it, and emerged as changed men.”

“Yeah, I’m sure-” McCree saw Hanzo at the door, probably coming in late for his morning tea. Well, of course he was late. While McCree motioned for Hanzo to leave, Genji whipped his head around.

“Oh, hey Hanzo! Come sit with us- we were just having breakfast.”

Hanzo looked at both of them, then at the sink. “I am going to make tea.”

“Of course,” Genji said, “you’ve always been a man of routine.”

McCree wondered how Genji could have absolutely no awareness of the tension in the room. For someone so charismatic, Genji was actually terrible at reading people. He began to eat his cereal faster.

“McCree, are you anxious about something?” Genji asked.

See, if he were good at reading people, he just would have left it alone and not asked. “No, I’m alright. Just hungry.”

Hanzo looked back, then picked up his mug of tea.

“Hanzo, come sit!”

He looked again and, reluctantly, sat down next to McCree. “Good morning.”

“I have not seen you wake up this late since you have been here, brother.”

“Everyone needs t’ sleep in once in a-”

Genji interrupted with a laugh, “No, not Hanzo. I remember once, he slept through a meeting with father and some of his associates- he was mortified! I have not seen him sleep so much ever since.”

Hanzo rubbed his temples. “Yes, I remember fondly. I also remember an arsenal of embarrassing stories that I have not yet weaponized against you, Genji.”

“Call it a preemptive strike of sorts.” 

McCree finished his cereal and went to wash his bowl. “Well, this was fun. Gotta go now… practice shootin’.”

“Oh, so soon?” Genji asked. 

“Yes,” Hanzo answered for him.

“Yes,” McCree answered as well, and rushed out the door.

____________

“We need to tell ‘im.”

Hanzo shook his head. “No, I do not think that’s… necessary.”

“No, it is, because until we do it’s just gonna be fuckin’ weird.”

“I know.”

McCree looked over the edges of his golden ribbon, like always did. It was no longer merely therapeutic, but rather, familiar, a signature of someone he cared deeply about. Though he had been dealing recently with a fear of change, McCree realized that he, himself, had been changing for the better. “I could tell ‘im.”

“No, he is my brother.”

“We both cou-”

“That would be weird.” 

“Yeah.” McCree sighed. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Yes.” Hanzo looked around. They were always looking somewhere- at the sea, at the horizon, at each other, but it was very seldom that they took time to comprehend their surroundings as more than a distraction. “This base is a strange place.”

“Strange? What’dya mean by that, now of all times?”

“I had the impression that you felt the same way.”

“Yeah. Guess I do.”

“Do you remember when you introduced me to Doctor Ziegler, and she said what a pleasure it was to finally meet me?”

“Yeah.”

“That was very strange, don’t you think? I destroyed- I mean- she was the one responsible for reconstructing Genji’s body. She was-”

“You should know better ‘n anyone by now that people forgive, Han. People change n’ things just… get better. If you’re willin’ to let ‘em.”

Hanzo didn’t respond, he looked calm. Finally, he was letting his face show expression, finally, he was a real person. After a few minutes had passed, he said, “You are very good at giving advice, Jesse. You should be sure to keep these things in mind for yourself as well.”  
____________

“Hey, Genji, you know your brother?”

Genji raised an eyebrow behind his visor. “I do know him.”

“And you know-”

“Jesse, normally I would love to watch you tell me in the most awkward way humanly possible that you fucked my brother, but I’m in a pleasant mood and I am just going to cut you off here. I know, already.”

“Oh. That’s… good. That’s good. How’d you…?”

“Hanzo told me.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Genji mused, “he has always been surprisingly open about that kind of thing.”

“And you’re just okay with it?”

“Yes? I wasn’t aware that you needed my permission. What is that old-fashioned Western concept- getting permission from the father of the bride?” He laughed, “And I’m the closest you could come?”

McCree could almost feel himself turning red. “No, I mean, Jesus fuckin’ Chirst, Genji, I just-”

“You are wondering if I am okay with you being with someone who attempted to kill me.”

“You don’t have to put it so… you make it sound really rough.”

“Isn’t it?”

McCree sighed.

“Zenyatta once told me that the more we dwell on our pasts, the more we inhibit ourselves from living fully in the present.”

“Smart guy.”

“You are right about that.” Genji folded his hands. “Jesse, you are, without a doubt, the best friend I have ever had. I have greatly appreciated this opportunity to reconnect with you.”

“Wow, Genji, you don’t have to-”

“No, I wasn’t finished. I know I am being sentimental, but there are some things we have left unsaid that perhaps should have been said much earlier.”

“‘M sorry I didn’t write.”

Genji shook his head. “I do not know how you would have found me. We were both wanderers for a few good years, yeah?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“But it is not wise to dwell on the past. We are here now- you, me, Angela- did you see the Reinhardt arrived yesterday? I thought he was too old, but he has quite a bit of fight left in him.”

Unspoken between them: No Commanding Officer Reyes, yelling at them to get back to work, joking with them after hours, no Jack Morrison, barking orders and patting them on the back, no Ana Amari, who taught him how to shoot like she did and filled the shoes of an absent mother. “I’m mighty glad he came back. Missed that ol’ coot.”

“I did as well. He was always so… lively. And just so you know, Jesse,” Genji reached out and put his hand on McCree’s, “I’m more than okay with it.”

“With Reinhardt?”

“With you and my brother?” Genji had a habit of trying to bring conversations in a circle; at times, McCree wasn’t quite prepared.

“Oh. Means a lot coming from you, Genji.”

“Be happy, McCree. That is my advice to you.” Genji got up, like he always did, and left while there was still more to say.  
____________

It wasn’t a sudden thing. It was a hand held in the common room and a smile from Angie, a peck on the cheek and a pat on the back from Reinhardt, a hardy handshake from Lena, a shrug from Hana who didn’t quite know why it was supposed to be a big deal. A congratulatory postcard from Zenyatta in the mail.

It took another month for the PETRAS act to be fully repealed, and another few months for the rest of the old agents that were going to show up to show up. After that, the stream of new recruits was steady. McCree’s bounty was lifted in full, which Genji joked gave him an excuse to wrack up another one. Hanzo laughed at the time, then told him later, “Please don’t.”

Despite everything, and because of everything, they were happy.


End file.
